


Working Through It

by Crystal_fishbowl



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Crystal Gems, Fluff and Angst, Homeworld (Steven Universe), Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 16:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20549243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystal_fishbowl/pseuds/Crystal_fishbowl
Summary: Set after the end of the Steven Universe Movie, Spinel goes back to Homeworld with the Diamonds. All is well, until it's not. Spinel's new Diamond friends don't quite realize just how bad her abandonment issues are. Spinel has a panic attack and the Diamonds are there to support her





	Working Through It

It had started like any other day on Homeworld. Spinel spent most of her day with the Diamonds, who kept their promises to care for her. Each of her days were spent bathed in adoration. Spinel was finally loved. Spinel was finally happy. The Diamonds spent all day and night laughing, playing, singing, and being a family. 

But the Diamonds still had political responsibilities. The Galaxy was still in shambles. Yellow Diamond had been working with a particularly difficult planet, whose people were still uneasy about the sudden bout of peace. They had called for a meeting off planet, and they’d demanded that all three Diamonds be in attendance. 

Each of the Diamonds had taken time to fill Spinel in on the past 6000 years, but she was still struggling to comprehend the vast complexities of it all. How had she missed out on so much? She’d felt disgusted with herself, and hatred for Pink Diamond. The Diamonds were compassionate, and held her close while she wept.

It was heart wrenching to tell Spinel that they would have to leave her for a day or two. This particular planet was insistent that they come alone. No other gems of any kind were allowed to attend this peace meeting, no matter what. The Diamonds were forced to reluctantly agree. Despite this situation, they felt that Spinel would be able to manage during their absence. This would be the first time that the Diamonds would be leaving her alone since their first meeting on Earth. 

Spinel was confident, and reassured the Diamonds that she would be just swell in their short absence.

The Diamonds had left her in her lovely pink colored room, under the orders that she could do whatever she pleased, but not to wander too far. Homeworld was easy to get lost on, they’d explained. She’d nodded and smiled throughout their whole speech. Finally, with Blue Diamond practically in tears, they’d bid her a loving goodbye. It was only a day or two, right?

\---

The first 24 hours went by steadily and without incident. Spinel had spent it in her room, humming quietly, playing, singing, dancing, and stretching her body in various ways around her spacious, beautiful room. It was perfect for her.

The second day had gone a little slower. Spinel spent this day glancing anxiously at her room’s door. She kept expecting it to burst open, revealing her beautiful best friends. They did not come. 

She was aware that she could exit those doors. Spinel was not bound to her room, but a nagging sense of paranoia kept her back. What if the Diamonds got mad at her for leaving? What if someone outside of those doors wanted to hurt her, or worse, hit her with a rejuvenator? She didn’t want to go back to being the dumb little gem that had fallen so carelessly into Pink Diamond’s clutches. 

So she waited. The third day went and passed. What was taking them so long? Spinel had done quite well at first with reassuring herself. Now she was starting to question everything. The Diamonds were coming back. They had to, right? 

Paranoia wormed its way deep into her mind. Fear drilled a burrow into her brain, whispering little things to her. 

“You’re not good enough for them. Never a good enough friend. You’ve failed them. The Diamonds only told you that you weren’t allowed to come with them because they didn’t like you. They never want to see you again. They’ll only erase your memories, you terrible, broken excuse of a Spinel.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. The hours dragged by slower and slower. They weren’t coming back. The Diamonds weren’t coming back. She’d spend another 6000 years here in this terrifyingly pink room. Pink like the Diamond that couldn’t love her. 

She huddled into one corner of her room, trying to calm her racing mind to no avail. Everything had been going so right. What happened? What did she do? 

Why was she _never good enough_?

\---

Things became a bit blurry after that. The next time she cared to focus on anything, her once perfect, orderly room was strewn in chaos. Gifts from her precious Diamonds were shattered, broken. She paced in circles, hyperventilating. Spinel’s steps were unsure, but it didn’t matter. She kept pacing. How long had it been already?

\---

It had been five days now. The Diamonds slowly pushed back their massive chairs, and shook hands with their counterparts. An agreement had been reached. They could finally go home and see their lovely Spinel. 

They shuffled to their ship, where White Diamond bubbled them up. After a few hours of travel, they finally saw their beautiful, ringed planet. 

Together they walked into their palace, while Blue and Yellow Diamond spoke about various ongoings that needed attention. White Diamond was the first to remind them all that their first priority was to see Spinel, and hold her close. They’d brought her a lovely souvenir; a vibrant pink rose, made of the finest glass. They reached Spinel’s doors, and excitedly threw them open; singing and smiling as they went. 

The sight that greeted the Diamonds stopped them in their tracks. The glass rose dropped to the floor, shattering. Spinel’s perfect room was now in shambles. Cracks and dents in the crystal covered the entire room with spider silk-esque cracks. 

In one corner was their little Spinel, cowering in a fetal position. She had her head bowed into her knees, and she covered the back of her head with her hands. Spinel’s breathing was impossibly fast. Her clothing was ripped, and the Diamonds immediately noticed that little cuts marred her skin from her destructive path. All at once, they surged forward to kneel in front of her. This ripped a scream out of Spinel, who turned to look at her Diamonds with only fear in her unfocused eyes. Tears streamed down her scared face.

The Diamonds recoiled, and gazed at her in confused horror. Blue Diamond was the first to speak.

“Spinel, my darling, what happened here?” Spinel began to murmur something, and at first it was too quiet to hear. The three of them strained to catch a word. 

“N-not good enough. This is- this isn’t real, I’m not good enough for them. This isn’t real, they don’t love me. I’m not good enough, I-I-I’m n-no” Spinel stuttered out, between gasping breaths. 

Yellow Diamond reached out to her, drawing a violent flinch out of Spinel.

“Please, Spinel, look at me. We’re not going to hurt you.” Yellow Diamond said, matter-of-factly. Her own panic was barely concealed.

She brought her hand closer to Spinel. Enough was enough, and she promptly decided to flee. Her hands shot out and grappled against the wall until she found purchase. She quickly slung her body through the air, but gracelessly hit the ground after she let go. Spinel was just so dizzy. Why was it so hard to _think?_ She flipped around onto her back, and somehow her breathing got even worse. The Diamonds quickly whipped around and met Spinel’s terrified, glossy gaze. Spinel sat up, and weakly began to scoot away from the Diamonds. She saw words coming out of their mouths, but the noise didn’t reach her ears. 

Her vision was covered in obnoxious, black spots. Her back met another wall, but she barely felt it. Her entire body was numb. She sort of felt the presence of her three counterparts surrounding her, inching closer. Those black spots were spreading, and she couldn’t blink them away.

The Diamonds could only watch as Spinel’s pupils rolled into her head, and she softly slumped against the wall. Her fragile body continued to shake and flinch gently as her back slid down the wall, and a flushed, damp cheek pressed against the debris covered ground

White Diamond was the first to lean forward, and sweep Spinel’s limp body off the wrecked floor. Together the three of them cradled her small body, weeping.

\---

Spinel did not stir for the entire day. The Diamonds were beside themselves with worry. What had happened while they were gone? Had Spinel been attacked?

It was White Diamond who first broke the silence that had fallen over them for several hours as they watched their precious Spinel rest uneasily. 

It was strange, to watch a being who didn’t need to sleep resting, but Spinel had clearly needed it. Her face was pale and ashen, with dark bags under her closed eyes. The damage on her body began to bruise. It looked like she'd been in a vicious fight, but White Diamond started having other ideas.

“What if…” White Diamond started, “What if she thought we weren’t going to come back?”

“That-” Yellow Diamond began, until Blue Diamond interrupted her.

“It makes sense! Six Thousand years alone couldn’t have been good for her. We promised we’d be back in a day or two, and we... broke that promise…” Blue Diamond threatened to divulge back into tears, while Yellow Diamond gave her a bitter side eye.

“How long do you think she was like that?” asked White Diamond.

“Probably a few days at the least…” Yellow Diamond replied. Blue Diamond fell apart.

\---

Spinel murmured under her breath as she slept, and the Diamonds heard every word. She’d call herself worthless, trash, and broken. Every time she began to squirm and wimper weakly, her Diamonds were there to hush her and cradle her tense body until it relaxed, and she fell deeper into sleep. On several occasions Blue Diamond would break out in tears, forcing her fellow Diamonds and half of Homeworld to cry alongside her. Yellow Diamond would blame it on Blue Diamond, but occasionally a single tear of her own would fall from her piercing neon eyes. 

\---

Spinel’s head hurt. Her body was sore. She so desperately wanted to slip back into the comforting darkness, but something in the back of her mind was nagging her to open her eyes. She felt warm; her mind continued to drift for several minutes, desperately trying to remember how she had gotten in this situation. 

She froze as something around her shifted. Blearily opening her eyes, she tried to take in the situation through the headache pulsing through her skull. White Diamond gently held her in her palm. Her Diamonds were quick to notice that Spinel was now awake, and were on her like vultures. In a span of twenty seconds, she heard a tidal wave of questions, as all of her Diamonds began talking over each other. They were quickly silenced as Spinel opted to moan quietly, and tuck her knees to her chest. The lights were too bright. The Diamonds were too loud. This was already too much. Spinel wished she’d stayed unconscious. Wait.. unconscious? 

Everything slammed into her in an instant. Being alone for 5 terrible days. Breaking down over the fact that her Diamonds were not coming back. The panic attacks. The gut wrenching paranoia. Oh God.

Her Diamonds watched the thought process unfold. Right as tears started welling up in Spinel’s eyes, they surrounded her, speaking in quiet, loving tones. She dared to open her eyes again. Her Diamonds… Did they come back for her? What was going on? Spinel shakily sat up, and met White Diamond’s eyes. 

White Diamond, who was previously talking in calming, encouraging tones abruptly cut herself off. When she’d first met Spinel, she’d seen just how tired and broken of a gem she was. That was nothing compared to how Spinel was now. White Diamond had never seen such tired eyes; such a broken heart. 

“W-What?” Spinel began, her voice terribly scratchy. 

Yellow Diamond cut in. “Spinel. Do you remember what happened?”

Spinel coughed, then started again. “I.. No? How are you here, My Diamonds? I thought you weren’t… coming b-back…” She stuttered those last two words. Tears were really threatening 

to spill now.

It was Blue Diamond’s turn now. She couldn’t let her precious hidden treasure feel like this. She took Spinel gently in her hands, and began softly rubbing her arms, easing the tension out of Spinel’s upper body slowly. “My dearest Spinel. I’m so incredibly sorry we were late. The planet we were negotiating with simply would not compromise, so we ended up staying much longer than we intended.”

Spinel’s cheeks were wet now. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to believe them or not. After all, the last time she trusted anyone, she was locked in one spot for 6000 years, Diamond’s orders. But all the same, her Diamonds knew this, knew her inner turmoil, and decided to take her in and give her love, which she knew she wasn’t ready to deserve. 

She shakily rose to her feet and met her Diamonds’ gaze. “Do you… really mean it? Are you telling the truth?”

“Yes.” All of them breathed at once. The tension seemed to burst in that moment, and seeped out of the room. Spinel smiled for the first time in 6 days. She rushed forward to embrace her Diamonds, to the best of her extent. They hugged right back, to the best of their extent.

“I really thought that you had left me…” Spinel said, after a few tender moments. Her body still ached. They'd have to fix up those cuts and bruises.

“My darling, we’re so sorry. Next time, we won’t go for so long without you. We love you, Spinel” Blue Diamond replied.

One tender little moment would not fix Spinel. Even one hundred tender moments would not completely mend her trauma. But all of them knew that time, love, and patience would slowly heal her. If Spinel was being honest, that was okay with her. They would get through it, and they’d do it together.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Spinel with all my heart, and I CANNOT get enough of the amount of angst she gives off. I wanted to make a fic because Spinel's tag on AO3 is WAY too small. I'm not much of a writer, I'm an artist. Everybody experiences panic attacks differently, and I wrote Spinel's panic attack to be based off my own experiences. By golly I really tried my best on this, and if you enjoyed this fic please LET ME KNOW!!! Also if you know of any other angsty Spinel content (art, writing, etc) please comment below and i'd love to check it out.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
